I think there is a lot of good im doing for myself right now. Im searching for ways to pursue my passions i want to work on. Its nice, yet also in the bakcground there is a voice whispering about work and school. I know that i do have to listen to this voice. But god that voice had guided so many decisions in my life. I ache change, and i ache to be me.
Sometimes i fantasize about just running off. Quite my job, and just go some where, anywhere, i just have this idea of just going somewhere , even just driving around sleeping in my car and travelling. i think it would be nice, a good expierence. I just want to expierence life and see more than i do already.
One thing that has been bringing me a lot of joy is this site. this is the one thing i've done in a long time that makes me so fufilled. I've always thought of myself as a creative. Yet , i felt conflicted as i didn't have any traditionally "creative hobbies". I dont do music. I dont draw. I dont write. I kind of just am creative in my mind. (I did dance for a while tho) And now a very small part of that creativity has a small outlet. Dare I say this webpage had bought me more fufillement than pootery.
I can't wait for the future. I absolutley have just been loving the procces of loosing myself ot the code. To the questions, to the unorganized and weirdness of coding my little page. I have visions in my mind what i want to accomplish yet, its going to take some time to get there, but we will get there.
Its funny, I m acoutlly tearin gup right now. I learned to code for a job. I went to school for thing thinking "i'll get a good paying job" now I could care less for all that. I simply just want what everjob comes along.
When ever i think about all the small steps in my life i've taken to take care of myself it bring me an imes amount of comfort. And this website feels like on of those things.
im remembering why now, when ever i code or do something for work or a grade the issue i have. I hate this feeling. Working towards a grade. Ultimately towards someone elses validation.
you know when you finish making something. and you are so proud of what you made, that you just stare at it for a while
well, i just did that with the homepage of my own website! cdfsfdsafjdlks j;a cldkafjsdlkjsdfklsdf;
i've been having so much fun, adding things to my website my gooodnessss
Just some thingsss:
I've been doing more "hobbies" and its been nice. I'm proud of myself for doing so. I have been endulging in some unhealthy habits more frequently than i like though. But ohhh welll, we are human and constantly learning. One thing is for sure though, i HAVE to finish out this semester strong and start working on my final project 0-0.
I thought I would mourn for a day and feel better the next. Yet I woke up this morning and cried again. I look through my socials and see the stories of many mourning, sad, frustrated, angry, scared, devastated. I thought this morning when I woke up I would feel “better”, yet that hole is side me is still empty and hollow. I feel the pain of mourning….
In my state, abortion passed with a 57% majority. Fifty-seven percent. Yet, in order for the bill to pass we needed at least 60%. Yet, an amendment making fishing and hunting a constitution right 67.4%. I am so angry and frustrated at my state.
Yesterday, November 6th, was a day full of mourning. I had to take my dog to the vet yesterday. I cried on the way there. I cried when I was left alone in the waiting room. I cried on my way back home. Then I visited some friends and we spoke for hours, about our worries, our emotions, our fears. And in the evening I visited another friend to share our sorrows. It was a sad day. I saw online videos of women crying , women angry, people fearful, and worst of all of hate.
Now, today I woke up. I grabbed my phone and googled “election results”. Yep, still real.
Worst of all is there are people around me who voted for him. I can’t describe the angry and disappointment I hold towards you. My family, who everyday say “I love you” , yet voted to take away my rights.
i wrote this while drunk
I dont know what to place in these, i think i'll probably change the name from "blog" to "diary". I suck at media literacy and I hate it.
Im not the smartest person, and Im very slow to most things. But something I struggle with is media literacy. When i watch shows with friends, or movies, or read a novel,,, i notice people pick up on things i dont and I hate it. When It comes to things like synbolims or finding meaning in different i struggle a lot with it.
I suppose for some people it comes easier , the more you practice something the better you get at it.
I've been wanting to work on my site during my free time recently. The mornings before work I'll make some small edits. The day I have an assignment due, I procrastinate by going on visual studio code and messing around. And I've been really enjoying it! itsss like i have a little hobbyy heehehe
Recently I feel like i've been building up "hobbies", (which yay go me!) It's nice to know I have other interest besides consumption (tiktok *cough cough*) and I'm creating. I've been going to yoga more regularly, I have weekly pottery lessons coming up and now i have this site as a fun thing to work on an make mine :D.
I alsoooo still need to get better at making time for my responsibilites aswell o-o like work and school. But, its just hard to balance all of that out? Okiiii im hopeing today I'm able to workout, head to the library to study, then go pumkin painting with my friends 🎃
IMMA DO POTTERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY IM SO EXCITED
i've been wanting to do pottery ever since the beginning of this year eeeeeeee, and finally i was able to make it into a class! I've been stalking two pottery classes sign up pages and they are alwaysss full ;-;. But I was able to secure a stop on a wait list andddddd now im in aaaaaaaaaa :D
Im so excited because i've been wanting to do more recently. I'm turning 24 soon and reflecting on my life, I've relized there are a lot of "things" I want to do that I can accomplish now. Many of these things I've relized i can just do now. List of my things: making a blog, start streaming, do more artsy stuff, learn how to draw, make a video game, move out, work out regularly, etc. And now Im doing something i've been craving c:
I need to start doing things now in the present moment, the best time is for me to start today. I know turning 24 may seem "old" as i get closer and closer to 30. But I do want to fill my life with as much things that bring me joy. tehehe
this was quickly written, and i probably misspelled 100+ things but oki bye
The more I look around and explore others websites the more i get overwhelmed. There is a lot of stuff out there, that i dont really understand and it feels a little overwhelming.
mmmm i wanna change my layout more, move the nav bar to the side,
Sometimes there is a lot of stress in life. I get overwhelmed with everything there is to do. I think about the millions of responsibilites I have to take care of. And then there is something nice about this space for myself.
I believe im shouting into the void but I've always wantedd to create something. And now I'm making something, me, im doing it. And this little webpage is mine.
there is so much happening.
im so tired @-@
Tehe my birthday is a month away :3
I feel like my "blogs" have been more like status updates. O_0. Also yesterday I saw a video about a cooking channel. Where the guy ate chicken that was still raw....im still thinking about it. If you would like to also watchhere you go you weirdo.
5 more days til i can comment on neocities tehehe :B
How do you all do this? Goodness, Ive been looking at more webpages and they are all so amazing!!!
I'm really worried on how to organize everything, but i guess its learning experience
I want to make some blog stuff, so this page will be dedicated to that c:
I'm not sure how I'll do this, maybe a seperate page for each blog post? still want to do more exploring on other webpages and get more ideas!